In a long relationship, making love to your man can slip down the list. Work, children, bills and plain tiredness take over, and before you know it, weeks have gone by. Many women tell me they love their partner deeply but have simply lost the habit.
In short: making love to your man brings you closer, eases stress, helps you both sleep and helps him feel wanted. It works best when you both want it, and it doesn’t have to mean sex every time. Touch, affection and massage all count.
Making love is not just about sex. It is one of the simplest ways to stay close, and the benefits reach well beyond the bedroom. Here are seven of them.
1. It brings you closer
Touch releases oxytocin, often called the bonding hormone. It helps you feel safe, connected and trusting with each other. Couples who stay physically close tend to feel more like a team, even when life gets busy.
2. It eases stress and helps you sleep
Intimacy relaxes the body. Many people find they feel calmer afterwards and sleep more deeply. After a long day, it can be a better way to unwind than another hour of television.
3. It helps him feel wanted
Many men feel loved through touch more than through words. When a woman reaches for her partner, it tells him he is still desired, not just needed. That feeling carries over into how he treats you, often in ways you will notice.
4. It is good for you too
This is not only about him. Your pleasure matters just as much. When you make time for intimacy that you enjoy, you are looking after yourself as well as your relationship.
5. It makes talking easier
Couples who are physically close often find it easier to talk openly, about the relationship and about what each of you likes. Small conversations in bed can lead to big improvements.
6. It keeps you partners, not housemates
Without intimacy, a relationship can slowly turn into two people sharing a house and a calendar. Making love keeps the romantic side of your connection alive.
7. Every bit of touch counts
Intimacy does not have to mean sex every time. A long hug, a back rub or a slow massage all keep the connection going, and they often lead somewhere lovely on their own.
It should never feel like a chore
Making love works best when you both want it. It should never be something you do out of duty or pressure. If your desire has been low for a long time, you are not alone. It is worth talking it through with your partner, and with your GP or a counsellor if it is affecting you.
Where to start
If it has been a while, start small. Put the phones away, light a candle and offer your partner a massage. Slow, unhurried touch takes the pressure off and lets closeness build naturally.
A massage is one of the easiest ways back to making love to your man. It gives you both time to slow down, it asks nothing of either of you, and it reminds your bodies how good it feels to be close. Start with his back and shoulders, use a warm oil and take your time. Then let him return the favour.
If you would like to learn how to massage each other with confidence, our private couples massage workshops in Melbourne are a relaxed way to reconnect. You will learn simple techniques you can use at home for years to come.
Frequently asked questions
What are the benefits of making love to your partner?
Making love releases oxytocin, which helps couples feel close and connected. It can ease stress, help you sleep, make it easier to talk openly and help both partners feel wanted.
How often should couples make love?
There is no right number. Research has found that couples who make love about once a week report the highest relationship satisfaction, and more often than that doesn’t add much. What matters most is that it suits you both.
How can I bring intimacy back into a long relationship?
Start small. Put the phones away, spend unhurried time together and offer each other a massage. Gentle touch takes the pressure off and lets closeness build naturally.
What if I don’t feel like making love?
That’s common, especially with stress, tiredness or a busy family life. Intimacy should never feel like a duty. Talk it through with your partner, and see your GP or a counsellor if low desire has lasted a long time.
Can massage help couples reconnect?
Yes. Massage is a relaxed way to enjoy touch without pressure. Many couples learn together at a private couples massage workshop and keep using the techniques at home.
A Note on Massage Oils & Aromatherapy
For massage at home, I recommend Perfect Potion, an Australian brand I have used for years. Their natural oils and aromatherapy blends are lovely for couples massage. Use code TOUCHBYVENUS at perfectpotion.com.au/TOUCHBYVENUS for 15% off.
Disclosure: I earn a small commission if you buy through this link, at no extra cost to you.
